Today is the day of salvation. Jesus does not wait long. Urgency comes from the New Testament writers through God's inspiration, about the soon return of Jesus Christ. He died on the cross for our sins. Jesus took the punishment we deserved, and then He broke the punishment for those sins, broke the power of death itself and rose from the dead. He did all of this, so we could have eternal life.
Eternal life, us changed by the sacrifice of God, calling & crying out to us for our personal relationship with Him to be restored.
In 2 Corinthians 6:2, the Apostle Paul, quoted from the Old Testament In the Scriptures God says, "When the time came, I listened to you, and when you needed help, I came to save you." That time has come. This is the day for you to be saved.
Very simply, In the Gospel of John, Jesus had the conversation with Nicodemus, about how to be "born again".
John 3:4-21 Nicodemus asked, "How can a grown man ever be born a second time?"
Jesus answered: I tell you for certain that before you can get into God's kingdom, you must be born not only by water, but by the Spirit. Humans give life to their children. Yet only God's Spirit can change you into a child of God. Don't be surprised when I say that you must be born from above. Only God's Spirit gives new life. The Spirit is like the wind that blows wherever it wants to. You can hear the wind, but you don't know where it comes from or where it is going.
"How can this be?" Nicodemus asked. Jesus replied: How can you be a teacher of Israel and not know these things? I tell you for certain that we know what we are talking about because we have seen it ourselves. But none of you will accept what we say. If you don't believe when I talk to you about things on earth, how can you possibly believe if I talk to you about things in heaven? No one has gone up to heaven except the Son of Man, who came down from there.
And the Son of Man must be lifted up, just as that metal snake was lifted up by Moses in the desert.
Then everyone who has faith in the Son of Man will have eternal life.
God loved the people of this world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who has faith in him will have eternal life and never really die. God did not send his Son into the world to condemn its people. He sent him to save them!
No one who has faith in God's Son will be condemned. But everyone who doesn't have faith in him has already been condemned for not having faith in God's only Son. The light has come into the world, and people who do evil things are judged guilty because they love the dark more than the light. People who do evil hate the light and won't come to the light, because it clearly shows what they have done. But everyone who lives by the truth will come to the light, because they want others to know that God is really the one doing what they do.
I know I put a lot above, but that is the urgency I sense, ...today. In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus was quoted, reading from the book of Isaiah, "The Lord's Spirit has come to me, because he has chosen me to tell the good news to the poor. The Lord has sent me to announce freedom for prisoners, to give sight to the blind, to free everyone who suffers, and to say, 'This is the year the Lord has chosen.' "
Don't delay. Don't wait for the next day or a different tomorrow. Don't let it wear off. Don't pull out all the technical arguments. Wherever you are, you can bow your head, you can ask forgiveness for the wrongs you have done in your life, you can ask for Jesus to forgive & wash away your sins and come into your heart.
If you prayed those things above, from your heart. You will be saved. You become a new person in Jesus Christ.
Rom 10:9-13 If you confess that Jesus is Lord and believe that God raised him from death, you will be saved. For it is by our faith that we are put right with God; it is by our confession that we are saved.
The scripture says, "Whoever believes in him will not be disappointed." This includes everyone, because there is no difference between Jews and Gentiles; God is the same Lord of all and richly blesses all who call to him. As the scripture says, "Everyone who calls out to the Lord for help will be saved."
So, Today is the Day of Salvation. Are you making it yours?
Sunday, August 02, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Reason, not the enemy of faith.
Reason is the enemy of faith. It’s a quote I saw tonight, from a person who is very logical. I disagree with it.
It’s interesting, if you will, but people try to reason faith away with logic. It’s interesting, a non-Christian, and even Christians (myself included,) try to fit God into our view of the world, into our little boxed in view of how we “think” things work. Do you know how many Christians I’ve heard that from? “But you can’t do that.” “Well, I guess God’s decided not to work this time.”
Excuse me, for a moment, while I fall back on one of my favorite Christian authors, C.S. Lewis. In the second book in the Chronicles of Narnia series, The Lion, The Witch & the Wardrobe, the White Witch has decided to take Aslan’s life in exchange for Edmund's. Her and her minions danced around the stone table with glee, excited that they were killing the only enemy that had a chance of defeating their rule. Later, the stone table broke, Aslan was back, he broke her magic & brought more armies to the great battle where her wand was broken and she was finally killed, with a look of fear and shock and confusion on her face. I believe this was not unlike Satan’s shock & fear when he found out that death could not hold our Lord. He thought he’d won. It was not within his scope of understanding, that the earthly realm and the things that happen within it, were bound within a stronger law, that the laws of God for all eternity. Like the witch not understanding that she was not seeing the laws that were in place before Narnia was created.
It’s almost as if we compared everything to an egg, and our universe and existence, where we lived was in the yolk. Yet we never saw the shell or the masters hand holding egg, yolk, shell and all in His hand. Until God cracks the egg & takes us out of the yolk, where we live, and we see His face and eternity, do we realize that, yes, there were rules that we had to live by in the yolk, but they were only a shadow to the rules outside the yolk.
That’s what faith is. It’s an eternity rule. It’s a gift from God. It comes from listening to or hearing God’s Word. And according to Hebrews 11, it’s like flour to bread, it’s the substance of things hoped for. It’s also evidence of things not seen. Can any of us see, taste or touch our salvation? No. But we know we have it.
I wonder. If we had been there in Jesus day, when He walked the earth. And we tried to use reason to convince the blind man that could see, or the leper that was clean & whole, or the lame man that could walk, or the centurion whose daughter was healed, or Lazarus who was brought back from the dead, that Jesus wasn’t really the Son of God and that everything was a fluke; I think they would’ve laughed or smiled at us, quietly, maybe sadly & then ran off to continue spreading the news to people who would listen. We would then take our aloof, logical selves and sit down with the Pharisees & Sadducees, and discuss reasonable ways to explain away the miracles & the faith.
Maybe the simplest thing to say is, that faith is trusting God.
I said all of this to say, No, Friday morning didn’t turn out the way we hoped. But if it had, who would’ve gotten the glory? Fannie Mae, a law firm, or God? So, what’s changed between Thursday & Friday? Is God off the throne? No. Has His ability to care for His children changed? No.
So, continue to trust with us & continue to pray with us. God is faithful. We are still trusting Him. Even when we don’t know what the next 30 days will bring.
It’s interesting, if you will, but people try to reason faith away with logic. It’s interesting, a non-Christian, and even Christians (myself included,) try to fit God into our view of the world, into our little boxed in view of how we “think” things work. Do you know how many Christians I’ve heard that from? “But you can’t do that.” “Well, I guess God’s decided not to work this time.”
Excuse me, for a moment, while I fall back on one of my favorite Christian authors, C.S. Lewis. In the second book in the Chronicles of Narnia series, The Lion, The Witch & the Wardrobe, the White Witch has decided to take Aslan’s life in exchange for Edmund's. Her and her minions danced around the stone table with glee, excited that they were killing the only enemy that had a chance of defeating their rule. Later, the stone table broke, Aslan was back, he broke her magic & brought more armies to the great battle where her wand was broken and she was finally killed, with a look of fear and shock and confusion on her face. I believe this was not unlike Satan’s shock & fear when he found out that death could not hold our Lord. He thought he’d won. It was not within his scope of understanding, that the earthly realm and the things that happen within it, were bound within a stronger law, that the laws of God for all eternity. Like the witch not understanding that she was not seeing the laws that were in place before Narnia was created.
It’s almost as if we compared everything to an egg, and our universe and existence, where we lived was in the yolk. Yet we never saw the shell or the masters hand holding egg, yolk, shell and all in His hand. Until God cracks the egg & takes us out of the yolk, where we live, and we see His face and eternity, do we realize that, yes, there were rules that we had to live by in the yolk, but they were only a shadow to the rules outside the yolk.
That’s what faith is. It’s an eternity rule. It’s a gift from God. It comes from listening to or hearing God’s Word. And according to Hebrews 11, it’s like flour to bread, it’s the substance of things hoped for. It’s also evidence of things not seen. Can any of us see, taste or touch our salvation? No. But we know we have it.
I wonder. If we had been there in Jesus day, when He walked the earth. And we tried to use reason to convince the blind man that could see, or the leper that was clean & whole, or the lame man that could walk, or the centurion whose daughter was healed, or Lazarus who was brought back from the dead, that Jesus wasn’t really the Son of God and that everything was a fluke; I think they would’ve laughed or smiled at us, quietly, maybe sadly & then ran off to continue spreading the news to people who would listen. We would then take our aloof, logical selves and sit down with the Pharisees & Sadducees, and discuss reasonable ways to explain away the miracles & the faith.
Maybe the simplest thing to say is, that faith is trusting God.
I said all of this to say, No, Friday morning didn’t turn out the way we hoped. But if it had, who would’ve gotten the glory? Fannie Mae, a law firm, or God? So, what’s changed between Thursday & Friday? Is God off the throne? No. Has His ability to care for His children changed? No.
So, continue to trust with us & continue to pray with us. God is faithful. We are still trusting Him. Even when we don’t know what the next 30 days will bring.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Exercise... (the light kind, hoping 4 the right kind)
It's another weird part of the journey. Being in pain all the time and the side-effects of the medicine to try & make it tolerable.
Well, my last doctors appointment I found out that I have gained a lot of weight. The winter months have not been easy. The cold from the winter months seems to make the nerve damage/problems I'm having worse.
The doctor has had me on nerve blockers, which, they seem to help on a cursory level. But since the doctor has been trying to figure out what is still causing all the trouble, we are still trying to determine what the right medication levels and solutions are. Well, I've never really had an understanding of "medicine-induced weight gain". Until now.
Our doctor had mentioned that one of the medications he had me on caused weight gain. Well, coupled with the increased pain & reactions of my body, due to the weather, I've had a really hard time maintaining the push I had the year before to keep the weight down. I also have the contributing factor, that pushing myself physically has caused really bad episodes.
So, needless to say, we were shocked at my last doctors appointment to find out that I had gained between 40 & 50 pounds. The tough thing is that I thought I was eating in a way that I would actually continue to maintain my weight or even continue to lose a little bit. I was so wrong.
Well, our doctor has changed my nerve blocker & I have found that my appetite has gone back to normal. So, last night was my start of a light regimen of exercise. I have talked to friends who are constantly in pain, and they state that exercise seems to help with tolerating it, quite a bit.
The hard part I have to watch, is that most of the time the physical exertion has put me in pain for days. Even the simplest tasks have been devastating, some to the point to where both my wife & I were wondering if I would end up in the hospital from it.
Well, whatever the doctor finds, I want my body to be easy to fix. So, in spite of all the weirdness and all the pain, I am determined to try and get my body back on the right track to where it was losing weight, pre-weight gain pills.
While growing spiritually, I want to make sure I'm not growing physically. I want to honor God with my body too. Uggh & lol. It's going to be a lot of work ahead. So, I request your prayers & encouragement. Thank you.
Well, my last doctors appointment I found out that I have gained a lot of weight. The winter months have not been easy. The cold from the winter months seems to make the nerve damage/problems I'm having worse.
The doctor has had me on nerve blockers, which, they seem to help on a cursory level. But since the doctor has been trying to figure out what is still causing all the trouble, we are still trying to determine what the right medication levels and solutions are. Well, I've never really had an understanding of "medicine-induced weight gain". Until now.
Our doctor had mentioned that one of the medications he had me on caused weight gain. Well, coupled with the increased pain & reactions of my body, due to the weather, I've had a really hard time maintaining the push I had the year before to keep the weight down. I also have the contributing factor, that pushing myself physically has caused really bad episodes.
So, needless to say, we were shocked at my last doctors appointment to find out that I had gained between 40 & 50 pounds. The tough thing is that I thought I was eating in a way that I would actually continue to maintain my weight or even continue to lose a little bit. I was so wrong.
Well, our doctor has changed my nerve blocker & I have found that my appetite has gone back to normal. So, last night was my start of a light regimen of exercise. I have talked to friends who are constantly in pain, and they state that exercise seems to help with tolerating it, quite a bit.
The hard part I have to watch, is that most of the time the physical exertion has put me in pain for days. Even the simplest tasks have been devastating, some to the point to where both my wife & I were wondering if I would end up in the hospital from it.
Well, whatever the doctor finds, I want my body to be easy to fix. So, in spite of all the weirdness and all the pain, I am determined to try and get my body back on the right track to where it was losing weight, pre-weight gain pills.
While growing spiritually, I want to make sure I'm not growing physically. I want to honor God with my body too. Uggh & lol. It's going to be a lot of work ahead. So, I request your prayers & encouragement. Thank you.
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Thank you
There are many times in life when we just need to turn away from the chaos in our own lives and say Thank you.
Thank you to our military & your families. Putting your lives on hold and in the way of danger to protect freedom and serve the people of this country is a great & honorable thing. You make me proud to be an American. God Bless all of you for the gift you have given us. We don't take it lightly!
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Thank You, from our family to You & Yours.
Thank you to our military & your families. Putting your lives on hold and in the way of danger to protect freedom and serve the people of this country is a great & honorable thing. You make me proud to be an American. God Bless all of you for the gift you have given us. We don't take it lightly!
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
Thank You, from our family to You & Yours.
Saturday, April 04, 2009
Chosen Moments
The past month has been tough & the past couple weeks tougher. I've spent a lot more time battling pain & have had fewer moments of less pain, fewer moments to use, to share, to have. Yet, in the same breath it's incomplete to talk about the bad, without talking about the good.
Nerve damage is a funny thing. Walking around always in pain, the medication taking it down to a dull throb (never would’ve thought I’d say it's good when the pain only feels like someone has shoved two balled fists up under my rib cage, lol.)When I spend so much time in pain, I don't know what to do. It steals hours & days. When I'm weak & even the simplest day to day tasks become mountains. Yet in-between there are moments, moments to live for, moments to take joy in, moments to share, moments to serve. It may seem strange, but I choose to give & live in those moments, to serve God, to serve my wife & family. I choose to share hope & joy in those moments.
Each moment is like a cool drop of rain on a hot summer day. How many times, how many days, have I forgotten that my life is a gift to share and be shared? Sometimes its hard, when my moments have been cut down from 8, 12 or 16 hour days, or 7 day weeks, to choose where to spend what's left. It seems strange, each day, to make that choice. I sometimes get segments, where I can push the pain away, or hold it back with medication. Sometimes I can spend that time with children (gently now, or you'll break dad - lol) going for coffee, lunch with a friend or helping a friend or working on a computer remotely.
In the midst of it all we have chosen hope & trust in God over fear and panic. That's not to say that all days are perfect, but we are still chaining ourselves to hope. We are chaining ourselves to trusting that God is faithful, He has a plan and He is in control. So, we are still doing everything we can to move forward. Some days it may feel like 2 steps back, but we are pushing and hanging on to that 1 step forward.
So, what is the good, what is it that I hold on to, who or what can actually provide the strength to get through those days? The strength comes from knowing how much God values people. How much He values you & I. Enough to send His Son to die for us, to take our place.
There are probably a million analogies I could use to talk about it: If your child or loved one’s blood was the only thing that could cure the world of a fatal illness and you gave them up to save the world. About a soldier gone to war, to protect this country, to protect freedom, so we could have that chance to live in freedom. So many more could be used, all designed to tug at our heartstrings and make it personal.
Colored words & emotional pulls aside; God’s Word puts it simply for us.
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame. Romans 10:9-11
Yes, there are struggles, but He said He would never leave us or forsake us. He also promised that He would give us rest & help carry our burdens.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Whatever pain you carry, if it’s the loneliness of friends and family gone or if it’s the emotional scars and sadness from troubled years gone by or injuries from accidents or war; God is there with peace and strength to get you through. So, as this weekend progresses, with Good Friday & Easter, I will be thanking God for the gift of hope & eternal life that He gave. I will also be looking for ways to not just worship & thank Him with my mouth, but also with my life.
Share hope & a smile today!
Nerve damage is a funny thing. Walking around always in pain, the medication taking it down to a dull throb (never would’ve thought I’d say it's good when the pain only feels like someone has shoved two balled fists up under my rib cage, lol.)When I spend so much time in pain, I don't know what to do. It steals hours & days. When I'm weak & even the simplest day to day tasks become mountains. Yet in-between there are moments, moments to live for, moments to take joy in, moments to share, moments to serve. It may seem strange, but I choose to give & live in those moments, to serve God, to serve my wife & family. I choose to share hope & joy in those moments.
Each moment is like a cool drop of rain on a hot summer day. How many times, how many days, have I forgotten that my life is a gift to share and be shared? Sometimes its hard, when my moments have been cut down from 8, 12 or 16 hour days, or 7 day weeks, to choose where to spend what's left. It seems strange, each day, to make that choice. I sometimes get segments, where I can push the pain away, or hold it back with medication. Sometimes I can spend that time with children (gently now, or you'll break dad - lol) going for coffee, lunch with a friend or helping a friend or working on a computer remotely.
In the midst of it all we have chosen hope & trust in God over fear and panic. That's not to say that all days are perfect, but we are still chaining ourselves to hope. We are chaining ourselves to trusting that God is faithful, He has a plan and He is in control. So, we are still doing everything we can to move forward. Some days it may feel like 2 steps back, but we are pushing and hanging on to that 1 step forward.
So, what is the good, what is it that I hold on to, who or what can actually provide the strength to get through those days? The strength comes from knowing how much God values people. How much He values you & I. Enough to send His Son to die for us, to take our place.
There are probably a million analogies I could use to talk about it: If your child or loved one’s blood was the only thing that could cure the world of a fatal illness and you gave them up to save the world. About a soldier gone to war, to protect this country, to protect freedom, so we could have that chance to live in freedom. So many more could be used, all designed to tug at our heartstrings and make it personal.
Colored words & emotional pulls aside; God’s Word puts it simply for us.
Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16
That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved. As the Scripture says, "Anyone who trusts in him will never be put to shame. Romans 10:9-11
Yes, there are struggles, but He said He would never leave us or forsake us. He also promised that He would give us rest & help carry our burdens.
Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. Matthew 11:28-30
Whatever pain you carry, if it’s the loneliness of friends and family gone or if it’s the emotional scars and sadness from troubled years gone by or injuries from accidents or war; God is there with peace and strength to get you through. So, as this weekend progresses, with Good Friday & Easter, I will be thanking God for the gift of hope & eternal life that He gave. I will also be looking for ways to not just worship & thank Him with my mouth, but also with my life.
Share hope & a smile today!
Friday, February 27, 2009
What do I say?
Today is a new day, full of opportunity to encourage, to lift up. Share hope & a smile today! :-)
Why do I say "Share Hope and a Smile today"? First of all, in this day and age, hope is something a lot of people are being deprived of. Tough times have shaken many to their very foundation. Whether financial crisis, natural disasters, or other things, troubled and tough times have shaken people, this nation and many more to their very core.
First, I believe ultimate hope comes from God and is the foundation for the rest. Secondly, I believe that God has given us the capacity to hope, to encourage, to be an inspiration, in even the darkest of times. When we share hope or small bits of encouragement, it can spread and multiply and brighten an hour, a day, a week or a month.
Hope is that light in the darkness that we hold on to in our souls, our spirits when things look dark and we know that its time for them to change. Hope changes us, strengthens us and helps us change our times, even gives us the strength to persevere in that change.
So then, why a smile? Because, when we smile, its an extension of light, of life to another person, its an expression of acceptance, kindness, warmth, trust. It helps light and warm that moment of their life. It gives them something to share, to move forward with, an almost tangible courage to take away and share or use to get through their day.
This has been a tough year for our family. My body has not been cooperating. The nerve damage and constant pain are having side-affects that we never expected. It's something we were told, and thought would just heal. Instead its been getting steadily worse. It has had more than a direct impact on our business, our finances, our home, our complete lives. It means that I don't even know what tomorrow will bring.
As a man, a husband, a father, I've had to come to terms with not being able to meet my families needs. Letting down my wife and children. That's a hard battle, that I've fought more than once and will probably fight again. It means that I've let down friends & family. It means that I've been unable to meet commitments I thought I would be able to handle. It means that I've failed, many times over. However, it doesn't mean God has failed. It also means that, as a family, we've had to learn to trust God even more.
In the midst of that, this week, one of the hardest things I've ever done, is applying for disability. Looking at where our country is, where things are, this is the last thing I ever would've wanted to do. I keep believing that there has to be a way, that there will be a way, in this great country of ours, to move forward. I even told them, in my application, I want to be a person that has been on disability for the shortest amount of time ever.
So, why encourage? Why try to keep it upbeat? Things look pretty desperate, don't they? Maybe, maybe not. I don't think our family has had any more, or any less tragedy than the rest of the world right now. Maybe it's for different reasons than the current "financial crisis", but that doesn't mean other people haven't been impacted even more. Whole towns have been devastated by layoffs. Cities and coastlines have been wiped away by hurricanes. Lives have been wrecked by financial institutions just going belly up. So much devastation, we can counteract it.
People need for us to share light and hope with them. They need courage in dark times. They need for us to encourage them, strengthen them. Whether we can do it tangibly, by helping clean or rebuild in hurricane swept areas, or to cheer them on, to let them know they did ok, they can make it. The next step may be tough, but they can do it.
Friends, family, community does that for you. Our resolve has not been without its weak moments, without its tears. No, to say that would be to tell a lie. But our strength has come from our hope in God. From prayers of friends, neighbors, churches, community. From kind words, bits of laughter, bits of encouragement, to move forward, saying "You can make it." Even tangible help, in the way of food, coats for our children, finding bits of work that we could do, to get us over the next bill, the next month.
So, why share hope and a smile? It's not to be preachy or super spiritual, but just to simply share and pass on hope, smiles, encouragement that has been passed on to help us move forward. To let people know that God's Word isn't just another metaphysical journey out there, but that there are many that aren't afraid to live it in a real way and share a tangible hope in it.
So, if there is something we can give forward, small though it may be, we want to do that. To share hope & a smile, and give in a tangible way. It only takes a little bit of light to brighten a dark room. No matter what our faith, we can turn that light on. We can share a resolute hope, an encouraging smile. That hope can be a rudder that changes the direction of industry, of stock markets, of bank opinions.
Blessed is the man that trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord, For he will be as a tree planted by the waters, that spreads out her roots by the river, and will not see when heat comes, but her leaf will be green; and will not need to be careful in the year of drought or stop yielding fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8
Why do I say "Share Hope and a Smile today"? First of all, in this day and age, hope is something a lot of people are being deprived of. Tough times have shaken many to their very foundation. Whether financial crisis, natural disasters, or other things, troubled and tough times have shaken people, this nation and many more to their very core.
First, I believe ultimate hope comes from God and is the foundation for the rest. Secondly, I believe that God has given us the capacity to hope, to encourage, to be an inspiration, in even the darkest of times. When we share hope or small bits of encouragement, it can spread and multiply and brighten an hour, a day, a week or a month.
Hope is that light in the darkness that we hold on to in our souls, our spirits when things look dark and we know that its time for them to change. Hope changes us, strengthens us and helps us change our times, even gives us the strength to persevere in that change.
So then, why a smile? Because, when we smile, its an extension of light, of life to another person, its an expression of acceptance, kindness, warmth, trust. It helps light and warm that moment of their life. It gives them something to share, to move forward with, an almost tangible courage to take away and share or use to get through their day.
This has been a tough year for our family. My body has not been cooperating. The nerve damage and constant pain are having side-affects that we never expected. It's something we were told, and thought would just heal. Instead its been getting steadily worse. It has had more than a direct impact on our business, our finances, our home, our complete lives. It means that I don't even know what tomorrow will bring.
As a man, a husband, a father, I've had to come to terms with not being able to meet my families needs. Letting down my wife and children. That's a hard battle, that I've fought more than once and will probably fight again. It means that I've let down friends & family. It means that I've been unable to meet commitments I thought I would be able to handle. It means that I've failed, many times over. However, it doesn't mean God has failed. It also means that, as a family, we've had to learn to trust God even more.
In the midst of that, this week, one of the hardest things I've ever done, is applying for disability. Looking at where our country is, where things are, this is the last thing I ever would've wanted to do. I keep believing that there has to be a way, that there will be a way, in this great country of ours, to move forward. I even told them, in my application, I want to be a person that has been on disability for the shortest amount of time ever.
So, why encourage? Why try to keep it upbeat? Things look pretty desperate, don't they? Maybe, maybe not. I don't think our family has had any more, or any less tragedy than the rest of the world right now. Maybe it's for different reasons than the current "financial crisis", but that doesn't mean other people haven't been impacted even more. Whole towns have been devastated by layoffs. Cities and coastlines have been wiped away by hurricanes. Lives have been wrecked by financial institutions just going belly up. So much devastation, we can counteract it.
People need for us to share light and hope with them. They need courage in dark times. They need for us to encourage them, strengthen them. Whether we can do it tangibly, by helping clean or rebuild in hurricane swept areas, or to cheer them on, to let them know they did ok, they can make it. The next step may be tough, but they can do it.
Friends, family, community does that for you. Our resolve has not been without its weak moments, without its tears. No, to say that would be to tell a lie. But our strength has come from our hope in God. From prayers of friends, neighbors, churches, community. From kind words, bits of laughter, bits of encouragement, to move forward, saying "You can make it." Even tangible help, in the way of food, coats for our children, finding bits of work that we could do, to get us over the next bill, the next month.
So, why share hope and a smile? It's not to be preachy or super spiritual, but just to simply share and pass on hope, smiles, encouragement that has been passed on to help us move forward. To let people know that God's Word isn't just another metaphysical journey out there, but that there are many that aren't afraid to live it in a real way and share a tangible hope in it.
So, if there is something we can give forward, small though it may be, we want to do that. To share hope & a smile, and give in a tangible way. It only takes a little bit of light to brighten a dark room. No matter what our faith, we can turn that light on. We can share a resolute hope, an encouraging smile. That hope can be a rudder that changes the direction of industry, of stock markets, of bank opinions.
Blessed is the man that trusts in the Lord, and whose hope is in the Lord, For he will be as a tree planted by the waters, that spreads out her roots by the river, and will not see when heat comes, but her leaf will be green; and will not need to be careful in the year of drought or stop yielding fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8
Friday, January 16, 2009
My brother - Joseph
I didn't want this to be my first post of the New Year. My next post will be a late January New Year's post. For me, this is probably some closure or something.
My brother was a happy, curly-haired redhead as a child. He so loved to tease his older sisters. He was always joking, smiling and having fun. In his 20's he was in retail management at Wal-Mart, even being considered for assistant store manager positions.
He was funny, in his own way about money too. You'd swear he could spend a penny twice and then still end up with it back in his bank account. He was careful with money and we figured that he would probably be the most successful with business and finances.
He loved his nieces & nephews, would play with them and joke and goof around. After traveling around and seeing the country, he moved to the Atlanta, Georgia area. He was working as a store manager for one of the big drugstore chains and UPS at the same time. Not sure on the reasons, surviving on caffeine stay-awake pills, the strain of being away from family or what, but he had a nervous breakdown, of sorts.
After the police there picking him up and us not knowing, trying to find him and not being able to for some time, a compassionate social worker in the Atlanta jail system and psychiatric evaluations, it was figured out that he was paranoid schizophrenic. This meant a weird journey into dealing with mental illness in our family. My mom bore the brunt of it. My brother Tim, living at home bore a large part of it. But we all participated, helping when we could, coming to grips with the reality of it.
Having someone with mental illness in your family bears this stigma. At first, you feel it, but you realize he really does. As much as it scares people, its almost a worse ostracism than leprosy, almost as if people thought it was contagious. He struggled to not be this groggy person, he wanted normalcy, just like any sick person. For whatever reason though, it would have been more socially acceptable for him to be physically ill. He was sick. When he was on his medication, he was closer to the old Joe. When he was off it, he was afraid, angry, delusional. He was even afraid of the people who loved him the most and wanted to help him. He made decisions that we could never understand the logic behind, because there wasn't any. His mind was broken. His heart wasn't.
There were a lot of journey's during all of it. The hardest part was watching the side-effects of the medications, when he would first take them. He would be this groggy, clouded person. You could almost feel the effects with him, because asking a question, him answering would be a long deliberate process, sometimes telling he couldn't remember the question by the time the answer was done.
The cool parts were that between the ups & downs our old Joseph would show up. The one that cared about people, that wanted to be normal, that would help you at the drop of a hat. My mom really worked with the social worker and Joe to help him get his dignity back. They worked hard over the years to give him all his "me stuff" back. The things we take for granted at turning 18, whether we can handle it or not, the government says your an adult. The illness took all that away from him. The only thing he couldn't get back was medical guardianship. If my mom had given that up, it would have ended up in the hands of the courts.
He really loved the kids. I think he saw them as accepting and loving him unconditionally. He was always in the middle of them. Gently playing with them. Helping with hay rides and walks and finding new things on the farm.
He loved his family and loved God. He always wanted to help, but didn't always know how.
I watched him build an online group of friends (a guild) in World of Warcraft (an online video game) and lead them in raids and to parts of the game I'll probably never reach. I think the anonymity and lack of people knowing about his illness, helped him feel like he could do something, without being judged for it, it gave him a place of normalcy. He would be so proud show me areas of the game that he had conquered and been too. The hardest part was after they upped his medication the last time, he couldn't focus even on the details of that anymore.
Joe, I think you struggled with accepting yourself the way you were. Mental disability can be as hard to accept as physical. I don't know the pain that you lived with inside because of it. I can relate to physical pain and tell you how hard it is to accept that my body doesn't do what I want it to. We accepted you, loved you. We didn't care about all the popular stuff, whether you were climbing the ladder of success or dashing or rich. We loved you. Yes, we struggled with the realities of your illness. But we loved you. We accepted you. It didn't matter how hard it was. We accepted you.
Joe had been doing really well the past year. Responding more to his doctor and social worker, getting more involved at his church, volunteering, working on his GED, so he could go to college. He showed a lot of promise and there was hope that he was going to be able to get his own apartment, that kind of thing. He had been pouring a lot of love into his family, seemed somewhat "normal" (whatever that means) at Christmas and over the holidays.
And then he just left mom a short note. About how he couldn't handle life the way it was anymore. Where to find him. That he hoped God and her would forgive him.
And my little brother was gone.
There are so many questions. Unanswered. But we know you are now at peace, with your maker.
We are all crying. Nieces, nephews, close family, distant family, friends, friends of family.
Share Hope & a Smile! You really never know how many lives it can touch.
Suicide is never the right answer. There is hope, there is love, there are people who care.
If you are thinking of taking your own life, Please don't.
You are loved!
Call and talk to someone who cares.
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
My brother was a happy, curly-haired redhead as a child. He so loved to tease his older sisters. He was always joking, smiling and having fun. In his 20's he was in retail management at Wal-Mart, even being considered for assistant store manager positions.
He was funny, in his own way about money too. You'd swear he could spend a penny twice and then still end up with it back in his bank account. He was careful with money and we figured that he would probably be the most successful with business and finances.
He loved his nieces & nephews, would play with them and joke and goof around. After traveling around and seeing the country, he moved to the Atlanta, Georgia area. He was working as a store manager for one of the big drugstore chains and UPS at the same time. Not sure on the reasons, surviving on caffeine stay-awake pills, the strain of being away from family or what, but he had a nervous breakdown, of sorts.
After the police there picking him up and us not knowing, trying to find him and not being able to for some time, a compassionate social worker in the Atlanta jail system and psychiatric evaluations, it was figured out that he was paranoid schizophrenic. This meant a weird journey into dealing with mental illness in our family. My mom bore the brunt of it. My brother Tim, living at home bore a large part of it. But we all participated, helping when we could, coming to grips with the reality of it.
Having someone with mental illness in your family bears this stigma. At first, you feel it, but you realize he really does. As much as it scares people, its almost a worse ostracism than leprosy, almost as if people thought it was contagious. He struggled to not be this groggy person, he wanted normalcy, just like any sick person. For whatever reason though, it would have been more socially acceptable for him to be physically ill. He was sick. When he was on his medication, he was closer to the old Joe. When he was off it, he was afraid, angry, delusional. He was even afraid of the people who loved him the most and wanted to help him. He made decisions that we could never understand the logic behind, because there wasn't any. His mind was broken. His heart wasn't.
There were a lot of journey's during all of it. The hardest part was watching the side-effects of the medications, when he would first take them. He would be this groggy, clouded person. You could almost feel the effects with him, because asking a question, him answering would be a long deliberate process, sometimes telling he couldn't remember the question by the time the answer was done.
The cool parts were that between the ups & downs our old Joseph would show up. The one that cared about people, that wanted to be normal, that would help you at the drop of a hat. My mom really worked with the social worker and Joe to help him get his dignity back. They worked hard over the years to give him all his "me stuff" back. The things we take for granted at turning 18, whether we can handle it or not, the government says your an adult. The illness took all that away from him. The only thing he couldn't get back was medical guardianship. If my mom had given that up, it would have ended up in the hands of the courts.
He really loved the kids. I think he saw them as accepting and loving him unconditionally. He was always in the middle of them. Gently playing with them. Helping with hay rides and walks and finding new things on the farm.
He loved his family and loved God. He always wanted to help, but didn't always know how.
I watched him build an online group of friends (a guild) in World of Warcraft (an online video game) and lead them in raids and to parts of the game I'll probably never reach. I think the anonymity and lack of people knowing about his illness, helped him feel like he could do something, without being judged for it, it gave him a place of normalcy. He would be so proud show me areas of the game that he had conquered and been too. The hardest part was after they upped his medication the last time, he couldn't focus even on the details of that anymore.
Joe, I think you struggled with accepting yourself the way you were. Mental disability can be as hard to accept as physical. I don't know the pain that you lived with inside because of it. I can relate to physical pain and tell you how hard it is to accept that my body doesn't do what I want it to. We accepted you, loved you. We didn't care about all the popular stuff, whether you were climbing the ladder of success or dashing or rich. We loved you. Yes, we struggled with the realities of your illness. But we loved you. We accepted you. It didn't matter how hard it was. We accepted you.
Joe had been doing really well the past year. Responding more to his doctor and social worker, getting more involved at his church, volunteering, working on his GED, so he could go to college. He showed a lot of promise and there was hope that he was going to be able to get his own apartment, that kind of thing. He had been pouring a lot of love into his family, seemed somewhat "normal" (whatever that means) at Christmas and over the holidays.
And then he just left mom a short note. About how he couldn't handle life the way it was anymore. Where to find him. That he hoped God and her would forgive him.
And my little brother was gone.
There are so many questions. Unanswered. But we know you are now at peace, with your maker.
We are all crying. Nieces, nephews, close family, distant family, friends, friends of family.
Share Hope & a Smile! You really never know how many lives it can touch.
Suicide is never the right answer. There is hope, there is love, there are people who care.
If you are thinking of taking your own life, Please don't.
You are loved!
Call and talk to someone who cares.
1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
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