Christmas Ramblings

Christmas is one of those times of year there is a lot of controversy about. Do this, don't do that. Don't spend that, do spend that.

We get yanked between religion, tradition and commercialism... and who knows how many more "ism's".

In our family we are trying to build a healthy mix. We want to honor God and thank Him for the gift that he gave. We want to create traditions that our children keep. We want our family to have fun. We want to share blessings with others that might not have a Christmas of any kind, without a helping hand.

Most years we inundate our kids with gifts and they get spoiled by relatives as well. This year, money was tighter than usual, so we talked to them and let them know, that for us, there's a lot that happens during the year, that is good and so this year was about giving, not getting. No matter how you cut it, that's a tough pill to swallow when your a kid. Don't get me wrong, we really would have liked to have given them a lot this year, but we had made commitments to help other's and those were important.

To understand, I guess you have to know that there were many times when I was a child that we didn't know where Christmas or Thanksgiving or sometimes food or money to pay bills was going to come from. Yet, never a year did we go without. God used people in Family Services, Goodfellas, Churches and so on that helped a family with 6 kids get through. So, now that we have been blessed with all that we have, Heather and I can't help making a commitment that is an act of gratitude, of wanting to bless, of wanting to give back, even a fraction of what was given to myself and my family when I was a child.

So, this year, we may not have gotten a lot for our children, but we were able to give. And if you didn't get the living Christmas card or baked goods from us this year, it's because things were tighter than we planned and we really needed to make sure what was allocated went where need was greatest.

We were able to spend time with family and friends. We have been very blessed. Last year was a struggle beyond belief for us, yet nothing compared to men and women on a front line laying down their lives fighting for freedom, families losing everything to a hurricane still not able to put their lives together, tsunami's and earthquakes.

I never thought I'd have surgery and have to relearn to walk again, or that our home would go through it's own waterfall or 6 months of repairs and my wife struggling to keep things going while pregnant with a beautiful little girl at the same time.

But, in reality, that was nothing compared to a brother-in-law fighting cancer or my father's lovely wife who went through an amputation of her foot last year and then more cut off this year, and talk about having to relearn how to walk, she will be learning to use a prosthetic, I have my whole foot and ankle, with just a little torn ligament. Yet, when we see her, she always has a smile and kind words. So, while sometimes things may look down or lean, there's probably someone, somewhere that has it leaner.

2007 will be a new year and hopefully we will grow stronger and learn a lot from 2006.

The 5 Minute Date

I had a phone call from someone very dear to me the other day. Her husband and herself are struggling with communication and connecting with each other. They've been through a lot of ordeals in the past few years and this call felt strangely anticlimactic after all of it.

The reality is that they aren't communicating, and it's putting a huge burden on the marriage. I prayed with her and recommended that she and her husband start talking to a professional counselor, whether the pastor at her church or someone else. Thankfully, I heard some time later that her and her husband were going to proceed in that direction.

As she talked to me, I thought back to the hard times my wife and I have gone through. How many times, when not knowing how or where to proceed, I would clam up and not talk. I would retreat into my cave or cocoon... processing and studying and trying to decide what the next right move would be to care for my family and meet their needs. And sometimes, it was really just a weariness of trying to figure out how to proceed further or gather the emotional and physical strength needed for the next day.

Well, somehow, Heather and I started going on coffee dates. Brad had been born at the time and we could only leave him with his grandma for a little bit, or while he was napping. These were basically dates that lasted the amount of time it took to get to Tim Horton's for an English Toffee Cappuccino and back home. Later on, when Starbucks started popping up, we switched to such fancy things as Grande Cafe Mocha's, Peppermint Mocha's, Frappucino's, Caramel Machiatto's and so on. (Don't get me going on coffee, my wife loves it almost as much as I do :-). Anyways, coffee isn't really the point.

The time we spent together, sometimes in silence, just enjoying the quiet warmth of each other's company and the drive to and from the coffee shop. Sometimes talking and letting each other discover likes, dislikes or fears or worries or small joyful moments of our day. That made our marriage stronger, even in the midst of hard times, growth times. And really, those trips back and forth to Tim Horton's and Starbuck's over the years helped keep our marriage vibrant and alive. It took us away from the chaos of the kids for a few minutes and let us be ourselves with each other, not just Mom and Dad, but husband and wife, friends who could love something warm and special together.

That's something us guys need to do, if our marriages are struggling in silence and we are using the TV to drown out the kids, maybe we need to take our wives out for more 5 minute dates, even if its the back yard. Take her away for a few minutes and remember the man you are and her as the woman you married, and treat each other as friends. Sometimes those 5 minute dates can put life back in a marriage and pull that friendship back into it also. :-)

Reflections on Pain and other stuff

Somehow in the craziness of pain, change, chaos and pain medication honor is sometimes hard to grasp. What is honor and right for one, may not be the path another chooses.

I ended up getting surgery on my ankle almost 6 weeks ago now. To make a long story short, I went to a new doctor who stated that even if I'd been treated poorly (i.e. no cast, no proper elevation and all the other stuff you do for a grade 3 sprain) that I should be doing much better than I had been. Because I wasn't making progress with the amount of time that passed, he recommended surgery. He thought he would need to put in an anchor. It ended up being two.

Well, this is the upswing, so it's good. I'm actually on my 3rd cast now, which gets to come off for examination this coming Tuesday, May 16th. The doctor wouldn't commit what kind of cast I'm going to end up with after that. Whether it will be another fiberglass or a walking cast belted on.

During all of this time, I've been in multiple states of pain and medication with doctors orders to stay off my feet with my left ankle elevated. Throughout this time, my pregnant wife and children have been hero's. Heather was under orders to stay off her feet, due to heavy premature contractions. With a due date of May 15th things have been crazy. My two oldest have had a character growing time, helping out both parents, above and beyond. And then two to three weeks before the new baby was born, Heather started experiencing elevated blood pressure, and the doctor told her to stop shopping or going out and to stay off her feet. In the midst of all this, our home was under repair for the frozen pipes & water damage that occurred Thanksgiving night and the morning after. (That repair is still going on.)

With two parents down my kids were a huge help. But we had a huge lesson in community also. Family, friends and Our church really have pulled us through. Our children performed a miraculous effort of cleaning house, helping with meals and laundry. Then women from our church brought us meals, deserts and friendship. Other family members took my mother-in-law during this time. My mom came out and shopped for us multiple times, people from our small group have been helping out with some of my spring projects to remove hazards from the yard.

Then, the doctor started looking at inducing Heather and was reiterating on a weekly basis that she needed to stay off her feet. She tried explaining to him, how "nigh on impossible" this was for her, with my foot up and being on pain meds and 4 kids at home already. Well, the Kara Amelie decided to come May 2nd, 2006, two days before the Doctors 2nd induce date. We had a wheelchair train into the Labor and Delivery area at Crittenton, much to the amusement of the nurses. The nurses and doctors were fabulous. She was born a beautiful 7lb, 6oz and 20 inch long baby, and Heather's blood pressure went back to normal. Family members and friends carried us back and forth to the hospital (I haven't been able to drive due to the pain medication I'm on containing narcotics.)

Well, it's now time for the work on our home to complete and they are moving us out for a week starting Monday morning.

The stuff that goes on here is not a statement of how our family has met a challenge, but the amazing contributions of time, energy and love of our family, friends and church towards us is a testament of real community. It's something I can write of with deep gratitude, but can't even begin to express or repay how our lives have been touched with peoples and God's love and grace.

Chaos for the holidays

It's been a crazy couple of months for us. On December 2nd I slipped and fell on a decorative piece of pavement outside my church while we were picking up tickets for an outing at Greenfield Village. Needless to say, we didn't make the trip, and instead got to spend the evening with the wonderful and overworked staff at Crittenton Hospital in Rochester Hills. In short, I succeeded in achieving what was considered a Grade III sprain.

A week later and a half after the sprain I was put onto a normal regime of Physical Therapy. I actually started two days later than the doctor wanted, a Wednesday vs Monday, because I misunderstood his request and had to call his office for clarification.

Well, things seemed to plateua and they sent me in for an MRI. The doctor just said I had some tearing. But after the Physical Therapist reviewed the MRI and MRI report, I now have a new regimen from him. I have to go back to icing, staying off of stairs and no bending of the ankle (doesn't want me to worry about heal-toe gait right now - keep it at 90 degrees, etc) and such as that. It's really weird when you ice your ankle and after the 10 - 15 minutes is up, and it doesn't even feel cold at the ankle, but when you touch it with your hand, it's very cold to the touch.

In a nutshell, the MRI revealed that I had a complete tear involving the anterior inferior tibiofibular ligament (AITFL for short and not to be confused with talofibular, which can get a similar acronym and is a very common sprain). I also get some weird clicking at times from my ankle that I'm not sure what is causing it. I guess some of this explains the constant pain build up I've been experiencing after evne limited activity. If my research on the AITFL is correct, those types of sprains are not only rare, but a complete tear is the worse end of a Grade III sprain (if it can be classified as a sprain at all). Some of the medical references I've been reading also state it as a primary ligament used in the stability of your ankle and walking. (just 1 example - http://www.sportsci.org/encyc/ankacuinj/ankacuinj.html)

The Orthopedist, just wants me to follow continued physical therapy and states that the scar tissue will heal it.

I hope he's right but it almost seems I'm being treated for a talofibular sprain, not a tibiofibular complete tear and am trying to find a way to get a second opinion with an orthopedist that is unbiased and unrelated to the current doctor treating me. I just want to be able to have restful sleep at night and to walk without pain. This happened on December 2nd of 05, shouldn't it be getting a lot better by now? It's been over 10 weeks.

Basically, I start out my mornings feeling somewhat ok. I'm able to walk with the cane in the right hand and not in the left where the ankle is sprained however as the day progresses and it gets to be about 1 or 2 pm in the afternoon, (with just some moderate back and forth walking, cuz I work at a desk job), I am experiencing intense throbbing and sharp pain throughout my foot and ankle. Some days it starts sooner and I have to switch the cane back to my left hand trying the daunting task of keeping my weight off my left ankle. By mid-afternoon, I'm convinced a bottle of Motrin wouldn't take the pain away.