I had a phone call from someone very dear to me the other day. Her husband and herself are struggling with communication and connecting with each other. They've been through a lot of ordeals in the past few years and this call felt strangely anticlimactic after all of it.
The reality is that they aren't communicating, and it's putting a huge burden on the marriage. I prayed with her and recommended that she and her husband start talking to a professional counselor, whether the pastor at her church or someone else. Thankfully, I heard some time later that her and her husband were going to proceed in that direction.
As she talked to me, I thought back to the hard times my wife and I have gone through. How many times, when not knowing how or where to proceed, I would clam up and not talk. I would retreat into my cave or cocoon... processing and studying and trying to decide what the next right move would be to care for my family and meet their needs. And sometimes, it was really just a weariness of trying to figure out how to proceed further or gather the emotional and physical strength needed for the next day.
Well, somehow, Heather and I started going on coffee dates. Brad had been born at the time and we could only leave him with his grandma for a little bit, or while he was napping. These were basically dates that lasted the amount of time it took to get to Tim Horton's for an English Toffee Cappuccino and back home. Later on, when Starbucks started popping up, we switched to such fancy things as Grande Cafe Mocha's, Peppermint Mocha's, Frappucino's, Caramel Machiatto's and so on. (Don't get me going on coffee, my wife loves it almost as much as I do :-). Anyways, coffee isn't really the point.
The time we spent together, sometimes in silence, just enjoying the quiet warmth of each other's company and the drive to and from the coffee shop. Sometimes talking and letting each other discover likes, dislikes or fears or worries or small joyful moments of our day. That made our marriage stronger, even in the midst of hard times, growth times. And really, those trips back and forth to Tim Horton's and Starbuck's over the years helped keep our marriage vibrant and alive. It took us away from the chaos of the kids for a few minutes and let us be ourselves with each other, not just Mom and Dad, but husband and wife, friends who could love something warm and special together.
That's something us guys need to do, if our marriages are struggling in silence and we are using the TV to drown out the kids, maybe we need to take our wives out for more 5 minute dates, even if its the back yard. Take her away for a few minutes and remember the man you are and her as the woman you married, and treat each other as friends. Sometimes those 5 minute dates can put life back in a marriage and pull that friendship back into it also. :-)
The reality is that they aren't communicating, and it's putting a huge burden on the marriage. I prayed with her and recommended that she and her husband start talking to a professional counselor, whether the pastor at her church or someone else. Thankfully, I heard some time later that her and her husband were going to proceed in that direction.
As she talked to me, I thought back to the hard times my wife and I have gone through. How many times, when not knowing how or where to proceed, I would clam up and not talk. I would retreat into my cave or cocoon... processing and studying and trying to decide what the next right move would be to care for my family and meet their needs. And sometimes, it was really just a weariness of trying to figure out how to proceed further or gather the emotional and physical strength needed for the next day.
Well, somehow, Heather and I started going on coffee dates. Brad had been born at the time and we could only leave him with his grandma for a little bit, or while he was napping. These were basically dates that lasted the amount of time it took to get to Tim Horton's for an English Toffee Cappuccino and back home. Later on, when Starbucks started popping up, we switched to such fancy things as Grande Cafe Mocha's, Peppermint Mocha's, Frappucino's, Caramel Machiatto's and so on. (Don't get me going on coffee, my wife loves it almost as much as I do :-). Anyways, coffee isn't really the point.
The time we spent together, sometimes in silence, just enjoying the quiet warmth of each other's company and the drive to and from the coffee shop. Sometimes talking and letting each other discover likes, dislikes or fears or worries or small joyful moments of our day. That made our marriage stronger, even in the midst of hard times, growth times. And really, those trips back and forth to Tim Horton's and Starbuck's over the years helped keep our marriage vibrant and alive. It took us away from the chaos of the kids for a few minutes and let us be ourselves with each other, not just Mom and Dad, but husband and wife, friends who could love something warm and special together.
That's something us guys need to do, if our marriages are struggling in silence and we are using the TV to drown out the kids, maybe we need to take our wives out for more 5 minute dates, even if its the back yard. Take her away for a few minutes and remember the man you are and her as the woman you married, and treat each other as friends. Sometimes those 5 minute dates can put life back in a marriage and pull that friendship back into it also. :-)
1 comment:
Since you and Heather introduced Brian and I to Starbucks I cannot tell you how many dates we've enjoyed without even realizing we were going on one! LOL It really is a relaxing, grin inspiring kind of place. :-)
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