Christmas Ramblings

Christmas is one of those times of year there is a lot of controversy about. Do this, don't do that. Don't spend that, do spend that.

We get yanked between religion, tradition and commercialism... and who knows how many more "ism's".

In our family we are trying to build a healthy mix. We want to honor God and thank Him for the gift that he gave. We want to create traditions that our children keep. We want our family to have fun. We want to share blessings with others that might not have a Christmas of any kind, without a helping hand.

Most years we inundate our kids with gifts and they get spoiled by relatives as well. This year, money was tighter than usual, so we talked to them and let them know, that for us, there's a lot that happens during the year, that is good and so this year was about giving, not getting. No matter how you cut it, that's a tough pill to swallow when your a kid. Don't get me wrong, we really would have liked to have given them a lot this year, but we had made commitments to help other's and those were important.

To understand, I guess you have to know that there were many times when I was a child that we didn't know where Christmas or Thanksgiving or sometimes food or money to pay bills was going to come from. Yet, never a year did we go without. God used people in Family Services, Goodfellas, Churches and so on that helped a family with 6 kids get through. So, now that we have been blessed with all that we have, Heather and I can't help making a commitment that is an act of gratitude, of wanting to bless, of wanting to give back, even a fraction of what was given to myself and my family when I was a child.

So, this year, we may not have gotten a lot for our children, but we were able to give. And if you didn't get the living Christmas card or baked goods from us this year, it's because things were tighter than we planned and we really needed to make sure what was allocated went where need was greatest.

We were able to spend time with family and friends. We have been very blessed. Last year was a struggle beyond belief for us, yet nothing compared to men and women on a front line laying down their lives fighting for freedom, families losing everything to a hurricane still not able to put their lives together, tsunami's and earthquakes.

I never thought I'd have surgery and have to relearn to walk again, or that our home would go through it's own waterfall or 6 months of repairs and my wife struggling to keep things going while pregnant with a beautiful little girl at the same time.

But, in reality, that was nothing compared to a brother-in-law fighting cancer or my father's lovely wife who went through an amputation of her foot last year and then more cut off this year, and talk about having to relearn how to walk, she will be learning to use a prosthetic, I have my whole foot and ankle, with just a little torn ligament. Yet, when we see her, she always has a smile and kind words. So, while sometimes things may look down or lean, there's probably someone, somewhere that has it leaner.

2007 will be a new year and hopefully we will grow stronger and learn a lot from 2006.

The 5 Minute Date

I had a phone call from someone very dear to me the other day. Her husband and herself are struggling with communication and connecting with each other. They've been through a lot of ordeals in the past few years and this call felt strangely anticlimactic after all of it.

The reality is that they aren't communicating, and it's putting a huge burden on the marriage. I prayed with her and recommended that she and her husband start talking to a professional counselor, whether the pastor at her church or someone else. Thankfully, I heard some time later that her and her husband were going to proceed in that direction.

As she talked to me, I thought back to the hard times my wife and I have gone through. How many times, when not knowing how or where to proceed, I would clam up and not talk. I would retreat into my cave or cocoon... processing and studying and trying to decide what the next right move would be to care for my family and meet their needs. And sometimes, it was really just a weariness of trying to figure out how to proceed further or gather the emotional and physical strength needed for the next day.

Well, somehow, Heather and I started going on coffee dates. Brad had been born at the time and we could only leave him with his grandma for a little bit, or while he was napping. These were basically dates that lasted the amount of time it took to get to Tim Horton's for an English Toffee Cappuccino and back home. Later on, when Starbucks started popping up, we switched to such fancy things as Grande Cafe Mocha's, Peppermint Mocha's, Frappucino's, Caramel Machiatto's and so on. (Don't get me going on coffee, my wife loves it almost as much as I do :-). Anyways, coffee isn't really the point.

The time we spent together, sometimes in silence, just enjoying the quiet warmth of each other's company and the drive to and from the coffee shop. Sometimes talking and letting each other discover likes, dislikes or fears or worries or small joyful moments of our day. That made our marriage stronger, even in the midst of hard times, growth times. And really, those trips back and forth to Tim Horton's and Starbuck's over the years helped keep our marriage vibrant and alive. It took us away from the chaos of the kids for a few minutes and let us be ourselves with each other, not just Mom and Dad, but husband and wife, friends who could love something warm and special together.

That's something us guys need to do, if our marriages are struggling in silence and we are using the TV to drown out the kids, maybe we need to take our wives out for more 5 minute dates, even if its the back yard. Take her away for a few minutes and remember the man you are and her as the woman you married, and treat each other as friends. Sometimes those 5 minute dates can put life back in a marriage and pull that friendship back into it also. :-)