How to fail

So, you know you are not in control and God is. How much of that control are you willing to give up? So, what if it costs you money? Hundreds of dollars? Thousands of dollars? How about Ten Thousands of dollars?

Well, we had/have one of those moments on hand. Last night, when we found out about a bank transaction that was supposed to occur Monday, and hadn't, I was full of righteous anger. I was going to call up angry and ask what the heck they thought was going on, and blah, blah, blah. That was a failure. My finances, my home, my car, how do they think they can do this.... no. God's "stuff", yes.

I forgot, for almost a whole night. We are stewards, right? We are supposed to be living it, not faking it, right? My wife was also looking to me, what are we going to do? After my outburst last night, I pushed it away and we continued on, and actually had a pretty good evening. This morning I woke up to the quiet, yet firm prodding of God's voice. I thought it was mine. What are you worried about? Why are you upset, if it's my stuff?

Right there, I got down on my knees and asked forgiveness. I asked forgiveness for trying to take back what we have told people was a gift from God, a blessing. I asked forgiveness for my clearly unrighteous anger. I also asked God to take back that heavy burden, that yoke, that I ripped away from Him in one of my thick-headed and hasty moments.

So, when I called the bank this morning. I did it with humility. I didn't misrepresent the urgency of the matter and did ask to speak to a manager, who wasn't available, but will be calling me back later. I did tell the helpful young man that answered the phone, that I was frustrated, but not angry. I even asked him if a manager was the right person to talk to about this problem. His response was, "Oh definitely". I got off the phone, confident that the capable people at the bank would do what was needed. It's not my car, it's Gods, right?

Following that conversation, whatever happens, I'm at peace that it's in God's hands. See, following God isn't about being holier than thou, it's about God's grace in a circumstance, in a situation. We will all have failures every day. That's how we tend to learn. We are people, we do that. ;-) God wants to know that our heart is right, He uses the little failures to teach us not to fail in the big ones. (Sometimes He gives us an 8 hour window so we can get quiet enough to hear Him, too.)

I've had people say, "Wow, you are really good at computers, how do you know all this?" Yes, I read the manuals (so I know how its intended to work) and I work with it, but I guarantee I've broken it more times than you! That's how I've learned so much about computers. I've failed at them more times than a lot of people, and then had to figure out how to clean up the mess.

So, if you think I'm super spiritual or super geeky, because of this or that. I'm not. God just has had to pick me up out from under bigger busses, more times. I may have been raised in a Christian home, but I was taught, early on, to ask forgiveness and accept it. God knew that I'd be that kid that would learn to skateboard on a dirt road, with no knee or elbow pads.

Learn that it's ok to fail, give it to God and move on.