Grace is enough

What is control? Today started out as a good day. I was excited that it was my Sunday to take the kids to church. I only woke up a little sore. I went ahead and took my nerve blocker and then ate my oatmeal and took my Advil with it.

I was surprised when we got there to find out it was Baptism Sunday. Baptism Sunday is so cool. It's a strong reminder of God's grace & the salvation that we have from Him. Before each person is baptized they play a pre-recorded testimony of why they are making that commitment and statement of their faith through baptism.

As the service went on, I sent my wife Twitter's and text messages about the parts of it that kept touching my heart. (I really look forward to when we can stop doing Sundays in shifts & we can sit next to each other and nudge each other & comment on the cool parts again!)

All of this was going on, and the pain started building up. I really thought I had it under control. I shifted in my seat to ease the pressure off one side & let it move to the other. The service was simple, but riveting & I didn't want to get up and miss a moment of the passion for God, what was going on. The service ended with a call & prayer to salvation and prayer at the front for the newly baptized.

The service was over & Brad & I waited at the children's church door for Grace. I knew the nerve blockers were working, because instead of sharp shooting pain, I had this build-up of pressure pain. It was quivering my insides and my muscles felt like they were spasming, almost like I'd worked out too hard. Every breath was becoming deliberate as the pressure built up in my chest muscles. Feeling like I was losing my balance, I steadied myself on the post next to the door and waited for children's service to be over. I'm thanking God for His blessings and asking Him for strength.

I got to the car and waited for Grace while Brad talked to his friend Zak. The outside cold air had seemed to give me temporary relief, for maybe 10 steps from the door. I walked the rest of the way to the car, trying not to breathe too deeply, as each breath caused more pain.

Brad & Grace in the car, I put my focus on getting home. Shifting my position in the car seemed to do ok, stopping the car feels like it's jerking my body, putting a collapsing pressure on every bone and muscle from my sides-stomache region up front to back. When I turn a corner it feels like the same pressure from the side. All I can do while I'm driving is say Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord, Thank you Lord as I push through the pain to make sure I get home. My focus has to be on that end goal.

Getting home and pulling in the driveway and stepping out of the car, I want the pain to go away. It doesn't, it feels like it's crushing my lungs, I'm sweating and feel like all my muscles are spasming. Each breath is a deliberate push against the pain. Each step is a deliberate thought to get in the house, get my coat off, go to the bathroom. It's like I'm forcing my whole body to go through the motions. Every piece of me feels like bruised quivering painful meat. A few minutes to get to finally lie down on the couch feels like forever.

I lie down and close my eyes, forcing relaxation and breathing, the pressure is finally subsiding and I realize about half an hour has gone by. Heather is standing over me, wanting to take me to the emergency room. She's scared, but I tell her, no, it's mostly over, the worst part is done. Another half hour and I feel like a bruise. Most of the quivering is gone and I can breathe normally, mostly without pain.

My whole body feels like I just ran a marathon, or those times when I was a teenager and my muscles burned and I still would push myself to do 10 more pushups or run an extra quarter mile, even when my body screamed that it couldn't.

So, I think I'm in control. I sit till it hurts too much to sit, then I stand & walk around till it hurts too much to do that, then I lie down for a while, then I start over. When I feel myself going to far, I take breaks, thinking I'm in control. I take my medicine, I look in the mirror and feel normal. I just hurt. I want to will my body to cooperate, and it keeps not.

Trying to walk the pain off the other day, I paced into the kitchen and shut the microwave. As it was shutting I moved my hand, but it didn't go where it was supposed to, for a few seconds, it felt like a strange thing on the end of my arm and woosh a pitcher of koolaid went to the floor. I thank God for my 13 year old, Brad took control in that moment to clean up the mess I made.

I'm not sure what's happening, my doctor's not sure what's happening; But I thank God in every moment, for every moment. I thank Him for every day. I thank Him for my awesome children, family and wife.

I may not be able to control what is going on, but I know that God's strength & grace is all I need. I know that I can be a blessing and move forward, no matter how I "feel". 2 Corinthians 12:9 says "...he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

Being a Christian isn't about everything being easy. It's not about not dealing with real life. Sometimes it's about being a weak bag of flesh, but knowing that God's grace and strength is enough to get you through! Isaiah 40:30-31 Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Whether things get tough or easy, we can't take the Word of God lightly. There is true power in it that is not diluted by circumstances, feelings or events. We can share that hope, that strength, that peace, even when we are tapped out, because the timelessness of God's grace and strength far surpasses ours.

Is faith real & who has it? Part 2

As my wife posted in her blog, yesterday was kind of a crazy day here yesterday. It was one of those days that just hiccup in. I was silly and thought I'd paid enough the previous Wednesday to keep the shutoff at bay for the short-term, and unfortunately, found out the fun way I was wrong. As we struggle, trying to change how our business works, to reset and adjust for my bodies current shortcomings, God keeps providing.

Sometimes when that stuff happens, when you feel your weakest, is when you almost give in. But you don't have to. This is where I learn how much I still have to grow. As it was growing colder and batteries were dieing on UPS's for the router and computer equipment, I almost sent my wife a text message, saying that I wished God would hurry up and heal me, so I could provide and go work my butt off for my family. Before I hit send, is when that still small voice came up. A thought, a remembrance of a Bible verse, a quiet calm. "My grace is sufficient for you." and "I shall provide all your needs..."

With cold, gray November daylight coming through the blinds, I stood there, humbled and loved, yet again. Tears streamed down my face as I asked my Heavenly Father for His forgiveness and then thanked Him for the provision that He has been showering on our family. I backspaced over the intended text and sent instead "I thank God for His help with it (our situation) or this would have been a lot sooner!"

The reality is, we don't always see Him working behind the scenes. God was preparing for that moment, and in the last 45 minutes of battery life, multiple people stepped forward and asked to help.

So faith isn't this complicated, technical thing. Sometimes it's just a simple believing for God to provide, to believe that He is the author and the finisher of our faith. And then being thankful and accepting, when He does.

Intermission: God gets the glory

Heather and I talk about the small miracles that God has been doing in our lives. Over the past couple of days, we have been blessed so much by people with very little. It is important to understand, how humbled we are by this. There would be no way that we could even pretend to be deserving of that grace and mercy. God's blessings are for all of His children.

When things do happen to us, we don't talk about it to boast about us, but its to share and boast about Him. There are so many ways that the things that happen are not because of us, but because of who God is and who people are and how they choose to follow Him.

God is so faithful and wants to love all of us on a truly personal level.

Is faith real & who has it? Part 1

So many ways, so many times, we hear the word faith.

- Keep the faith, man! As a greeting or encouragement in passing.

- I've got faith in you! Same as the "I think you can" encouraging people to greatness, or passing their next college exam.

- Walk by faith! In church setting, meaning trust in God, what you don't see.

- Have faith in yourself! Motivational speakers use it all the time, to encourage us to go beyond who we think we are.

So, what is this mystery? This faith thing? Does it really work or get you through? Where does it come from & how do I get it? Do I have it already? Come'on, that stuff isn't even real, get a life.

Webster's defines faith as - Belief; the assent of the mind to the truth of what is declared by another, resting solely and implicitly on his authority and veracity; reliance on testimony.

So, in simple terms, what does it mean to have faith?

Well, you get in your car and drive. You believe, to some extent, that you won't get in an accident, that you will get where your going. You believe that if you put gas in that car, it will start and you will be able to make it go. So, you have faith in your car.

In so many ways, in so many days, we put our trust in things we can't see. We believe that a baby bird comes from an egg. Yet, if you crack that egg to watch it, It's time for an omelet, because we all know it won't happen then.

The same with your car, if you cut the engine in half to see the miracle of how it works, you better have a good mechanic and deep pockets, or that engine isn't taking you anywhere, ever again.

So, faith is a simple trust, a belief that things, even things we can't see, will work as we are told. Everyone has it, at some level, just a little bit of faith. Faith that people will take green pieces of paper for products and services. Faith that food is edible and will nourish our bodies. Faith that companies are doing what they say they will.

Faith is real. It depends if you want to use it or not. If you drive 90 miles to work, but tell the boss, "Sorry... that'll take me two days to get there, I have a brand new car, but don't believe it works, I ride my bike because, at least I can see it working." You will probably have a serious problem, in fact, people will probably call you foolish.

The problem is, that there is an opposite to faith & trust. There are fear generators and hope thieves out there. Throughout the short history of banks and stock markets, companies have done bad things and gotten the boot, markets stabilize because we know that other companies are solid, producing.

So, now, we have the biggest fear generators of all. People are afraid, banks are afraid, money insurer's are afraid. (My personal belief is that our faith has to go deeper and depend on the one beyond and bigger than our financial systems.) Reactions to that fear have abounded. I've even seen financial guys & news anchors on TV asking where their 401k is going to.

So, they spread fear and uncertainty.

Is that what you want to spread? Is it really what you believe? I don't want to spread fear and I don't believe we have to give up. I don't believe that the American people are quitters and I don't believe we want to be a welfare nation. I drive by and stop in at quality businesses all the time that are keeping on in the midst of all the panic. Where is the press and the news on them?

So, today, lets make a pact to share a little faith, some hope, some smiles, if we share what we have, it will grow!




Romans 12:3 For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you.

Refuge in a time of trouble - God doesn't change

We are in a political climate where a lot of people are shocked and dismayed about the new President-elect. I have even written multiple times & in multiple places that I am disappointed. However, I'm not afraid or angry, because my hope doesn't come from who holds the office of president. I'm at peace about it.

Why? Don't you see the impending end of all things we hold dear with this man as president?

Come on people. He's only a man. God is still bigger. Maybe that sounds clichéd, but I can tell you that in my life and my family’s life, it's not clichéd. "But it has to be, you can't mean it", you say.

Yes, I mean it. God has been our Refuge, our whole Christian lives, our whole marriage. We have seen everything go, and we have been at the lowest point possible where we foolishly lost everything & He has promoted. He promoted us to the point where we were able to use finances to bless, over and over, many times. Even the home we are in, He not only provided and gave us peace about it, but we turned down looking at bigger homes, because we wanted to be wise & make sure our finances would be available for God’s use in times of need.

2^nd Samuel 22:31 As for God, his way is perfect; the word of the LORD is flawless. He is a shield for all who take refuge in him.

Over two years ago, things in our lives started getting tough. I had been a workaholic for a technology company, but yes, still a Christian and trying to make sure my life and my attitude were a testimony to those around me. (No, not perfect, just trying to live for Christ and others.)

Around Thanksgiving, we had pipes in the upstairs of our house freeze and burst, we had a hole in our ceiling for Christmas, New Years, Valentine’s Day, a really long time before everything got fixed. At first, I freaked out, but then, my family thought I was crazy, because I just kept telling them; we need to rejoice in all things, God never allows anything but He turns it for His good. Then, about a week and a half later, I fell, and severed a ligament in my ankle which lingered on for several months before being diagnosed and treated properly. After a lot of physical therapy, a surgery and then a lot more physical therapy, I was finally able to walk again. In the midst of all that, I had the blessing of losing a lot of weight. (Hint, pain is not advisable, but can be an excellent weight loss program). I dealt with many times of frustration, but I only wanted to keep face front, forgive, no blame, just keep thanking God and moving forward.

A few months after being blessed to be able to walk again, mostly without pain and done with physical therapy, February of 07, I believe, I started having severe pain attacks in my body. Going in to the ER, they thought I was an alcoholic because my liver enzymes were off the charts. Thing is, I didn't (and don't) drink. They couldn't find anything and the attacks and pain continued. About a week later (after blood tests every day/every other day) they discovered the problem was my gall bladder. Cool, we thought, a standard, easy surgery and everybody goes home happy.

Well, easy was true, but something went wrong. I wasn't supposed to continue in pain and it continued. After being released to go back to work, I found I was in intense pain just sitting at my desk. The doctor ran another week or two of tests, told me she couldn't find anything, and I went back to work again, still in lots of pain and taking a ton of Advil/Ibuprofen to combat it. She said, "Well, this will probably take a year to go away, it happens with some patients." Well, the all clear from the doctor was good enough for work and they laid me off the Monday after getting the note.

After the layoff, we did what anyone would do; we thanked God for His blessings and applied for unemployment. I think I was on unemployment for about two weeks, before we decided to start our own small computer services business. During this time was also when I did some heavy physical work to help out some friends and found out it was making me sick and tired in a weird way. (This continued with each camping trip However, I was determined to serve God, my family and others that I wanted to help grow their businesses, so we pressed forward.

I believe the best way for us to not get caught up in our own struggles and problems is to serve others. God then brought a couple of small family members into our lives that needed help. We jumped at the chance and delved into an adventure that fully tested us, to our limits. Throughout I continue to have to use ibuprofen, 3 to 4 pills, 3 times a day, to fight off the internal pain and to allow myself to work, sleep and drive as much as possible. God provided work for us and we kept pushing.

Well, I started having more problems with the pain and lack of sleep, which resulted in randomly dropping things or being in a lot of pain from doing too much, or pain when I go to pick up my little girl, even simple things like cutting the grass or weeding, leaving me in tons of pain the next day. The toll on my wife has been really tough too, as it has resulted in a change in focus of our business from onsite support services to remote support, simple web design services and things that can be sold through internet store fronts.

I’ve had days where, I’ve pushed too hard, and then been useless the next day, or left a client and got in my car to drive home and been in tears because my body was throbbing in so much pain. I pretty much have constant dark circles under my eyes, because I sleep between nerve blockers and ibuprofen wearing off. (Yes, I’ve been on a few different pain medicines and visits to the doctor, and thankful to a gracious family member and the doctor I’m now on nerve blockers too, which are at least having the effect of providing more sleep at night.)

So, where is the refuge, where is the joy in all of this? Funny, huh? But we are getting there. When driving hurts, you try to drive less. When sitting hurts, you find ways to sit that don’t. You also change your business and what you do, to something that you can do. You find out that the best laid plans and effort of a year’s work that is tied to something that will never happen, have to be restarted, rewritten. You also find that all the money and time you put into it, are gone, like vapor. You find that finances and money, become non-essentials. How is that possible, especially in this economy? Well, when the money is all gone and you let God take care of you, all things are possible.

It’s almost funny, because He is telling you to trust Him; He is going to take care of you. Keep doing what you know is right. People start to get mad at you. Even some Christians get upset with you. You can’t trust God for that stuff. You better do something. Heck, you better let the government take care of you. (For my opinion on that, go to http://www.phoenixfirst.org & click on the green "This Week's Service" button in the middle of the page, "The Future of America".)

Go, lie to people Tell them you’re body is ok, until you get medical insurance and last until they fire you; you can’t just trust God, that’s not enough. However, God has put a peace in us, that He’s in charge and He will provide all our needs according to His riches in glory. In Matthew 6:25 Jesus said “do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear”.

Then, your fridge is empty. You pray for Him to fill it. He does. We have seen, not just day after day, but month after month, God providing our needs. It has become commonplace, so much a miracle, where work will come in, or customers you never thought would pay, pay their bill. God keeps teaching you, sometimes through people you don’t even expect, that He will provide.

The thing is, people want to say, oh, you should have done this or that. I never would’ve done that! Why don’t you sue this person or that?

First of all, God is in charge. All of our steps are ordained by Him. He’s the one who took a former janitor and put him into high places. He’s the one that was there, when the body broke, the surgery went wrong and the layoff came. He was bigger than all of that. He has been there as the days have gone by and kept the fridge full and the mind and body full of supernatural peace.

He is that exciting of a Lord, that when people say “be practical”, He says to give. Look for ways to bless, look for ways to reach out, to encourage. He tells us to not focus on ourselves, focus on others and He will do the rest. It’s an amazing thing, when you find you don’t have any more in you and God steps in, picks you up and carries you. I want to shout it out, How great His love and provision are!

Second, God’s logic doesn’t match yours or mine. My logic says push yourself (and I’ve tried & I end up in a lot of pain and weak for days) go, do. See, Jesus says, Come unto me all you that are weary and heavy burdened and I will give you rest. Man’s logic says hold on to everything you have, God’s logic says give and it shall be given unto you.

Third, we have been trusting God, why would we stop now? Why would we let current events even effect our faith in God’s provision. Why am I not afraid? Because, the words of God are true, they are ALIVE, and they are relevant today. Heck, the Bible says God uses the foolish things of the world to confound the wise. Well, He definitely got that right with me and my family. We have done what we can, and serving where He tells us to and He keeps stepping in and doing the rest. God has been providing for us non-stop over the past year and a half, ways for us to be a tangible help and I expect no less for the next year and a half.

I wish I could shout this to you, shoot it straight through like a bolt of light into your heart and mind! God is our Refuge, our high-tower that provides joy and peace and strength in the midst of constant, ongoing pain and trouble. He Provides!

Some people have said they were afraid or worried for us! Thank you, but don’t worry, God is in charge, nobody is kicking Him off His throne! See, my Heavenly Father has more provision and more money than banks, mortgage companies, governments.

• So, today, I’m not going to the Sheriffs’ sale for this home.
• I'm not going to worry about those God has allowed in authority over our country, I'm going to pray for them.
• I’m going to go do what work I can to promote and build a future for a lot of people.
• I’m going to give and serve my family and others in joy and peace, not in fear and dismay.
• I’m going to look for a way to encourage you, to tell you that God is so faithful, even when we are foolish!

I believe that where we have been and where we are going are not there to tear your heart out, but to lift you up in joy and peace, to give you hope and faith in God’s provision no matter what!

Philippians 4:4-7 says Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.